My Hubby and I both agree on a very structured, routined, parenting style. Us both being raised in the south taught us a thing or two about respecting our parents, grandparents, etc. and the rules that they laid down, otherwise there would be consequences i.e. spankings, groundings, and so-on. We lead a very strict but formidable household. Our routines and schedules however we do not waiver from. From the Double A's routines in the morning or when they get home from school to the family dinner time as well as baths and bed time. We expect certain things out of our children mainly to be kind and respectful both at home, in public and at school, Do your best at all things and never give up. Just to name a few Important things we stress. That being said Here is our latest dilemma with our DD, Aysia, 7 years old, 1st grade :
We all have days where we are a little more chattier than usual and
TRUST me those days are more frequent than Id like to admit for myself,
I'm a talker and that's no surprise to anyone that knows me. Also its no
surprise that my 7 year old Darling Daughter Aysia takes after me in
that respect. However, It looks as if she has been exercising her jaw a
bit much when it should be shut and her ears should be open ( after
all God gave us 2 ears and only 1 mouth for a reason, correct?) Aysia
has always been a friendly popular energetic little girl, which is a
beautiful thing to see. However She never understood the concept of
zipping it and listening and doing as she is told. (at least not for
me).In Aysia's class they have a behavior card system Green if they are good, Yellow If they have been spoken to a few times and Red if they have had to be spoken to A LOT. This system has been carried over from last year in kindergarten as well. Last year Aysia only turned her card to yellow ONE time in the course of the year. Up until 4 weeks ago this year she had not turned her card at all. Well then it all changed........
Rewind 4 weeks, Hubby was away for training for the week for work, Aysia had been fin e Monday and Tuesday then had a rough weds apparently, As she climbed in the truck instead of saying Hello to me and Little A, She burst into tears stating she had to turn her card to yellow for talking during independent learning time. Seeing how distraught she was and not really having a punishment in line I simply stated that she would write me 10 sentences when she got home that said " I will not talk during class." and she would be grounded from TV and Bike riding for the day. However if it happened a Second time the punishments were going to be as follows:
2nd time - 20 sentences, 3 days no bike or TV
3rd time- 40 sentences, 7 days no bike or TV, possibility to earn back one privilege after 5 days
4th time- 50 sentences, 10 days no bike or TV and NO possibility to earn back privileges
Well wouldn't ya know the next week, We had another yellow card sent home so she received the 2nd time punishment.
Well then the 3rd week on weds she not only received a Yellow card, but also FORGED a green check and LIED to me about it ( which i sniffed out before we had even left school property in the car line) Needless to say she received the 3rd time punishment as well as a Pretty hefty spanking and talking to about lying and forging etc. I also sent a note to Big A's Teacher, as it looked like we had a pattern evolving and I was determined to break the pattern, and we agreed that she would be re-arranging the class room as she felt the same, Although Big A was at fault for her actions and she would have to pay the consequences for said actions, Teacher believed Big A was being influenced on the lying/forging end by another student (this student Big A continuously blamed for her Yellows)
Well that was last week and here we are on Tuesday and Guess what my DD has come home with ?????????????????? Yup You guessed it a YELLOW For the 4TH week in a Row. Ive had it!!!!
So Hubs and I have communicated ( via text so she cannot hear the convo until he gets home and we can dish the punishment out together as a united front) But Poor Aysia is gonna be BORED for the next 14 Days. No Bike. No TV. Extra credit for school, and a ton of reading for March's reading log. and NO WAIVERING FROM THIS PUNISHMENT ( Caps so I tell myself that)
My Question to you: How would you handle this situation? What is your punishment style (i.e. spanking, grounding, etc)? Do you agree with our punishments? How would you break this pattern? Please Comment and feel free to leave your tips and tricks of the trade of child rearing
Hope you all have a wonderful week!!! Stay tuned for Susan's Gardening Post and My Composting tips :)
Thanks for Reading and I urge you all to be respectful and nice when posting your comments :)
Opal
Florida's half of 2NTM
Yikes, I am worried about all this with with my daughter... She is only 4 bUt its fast approaching...... My nephew is in 3rd grade and that behavior sounds EXACTLY like his lately! He argues with his mom and sister, shows no respect to anyone, forgets important papers and homework at school and is continually in trouble at school... His mom, my Dad, me, we have all tried to get through to him...even the counselor at school, nothing has stopped this behavior! His Dad (my brother) comes back from Korea on Saturday and boy is daddy gonna be P.O.'d! I think what your doing is great and I may follow those rules myself! Good luck!
ReplyDeleteI understand exactly where you are coming from. With a child that has ADHD, I am constantly being spoken to by his teacher. Yesterday, my DS hit another kid in the head with a baseball bat. I believe you and your husband are doing a great job sticking to your guns and carrying out her punishment. Just remember, because she is going to be bored for these next 14 days, you're going to be going crazy these next 14 days. Stay strong mama.
ReplyDeleteThis is one of two...I couldn't publish it all in one!
ReplyDeleteFirst, being raised in the south has nothing to do with being taught to be respectful to ALL people at ALL times. So let's just squash that little stereotype right now! (meaning you stereotyped people from the north as not being respectful or raised that way.) Good parents anywhere teach their children to be respectful - north - south - east - west -and it doesn't always mean their children will be respectful, just because they taught them to be. So...don't beat yourself up if you think your kids are being disrespecful. It doesn't mean you didn't teach them.
And that brings me to the second point - your child is NOT being disrespectful. She is being a 7 year old girl, who is very verbal, and isn't mature enough yet to know the importance of why you can't talk all of the time in class. With your constant parental support, punishment, talking to her, and being in contact and support of her teachers, she will learn the proper times to talk during class.
If you want to see a DISTINCT difference between being disrespecful and a verbal girl who is talking too much, please volunteer at any school for one week, make sure your are inside of classrooms while volunteering, and quietly listen & observe...
Here are a few researched and proven facts about girls:
1. Girls are more verbal than boys.
2. The left hemisphere of the brain is more developed in females leading to girls being better at listening and communicating verbally.
3. The hippocampus (part of the brain) controls memory storage. It is larger in females leading to an increased memory capacity for girls. (at a younger age the memory stores more words, phrases, vocabulary, etc.)
4. When dealing with girls, give them the opportunity to verbalize how they are feeling about what they are doing.
5. Speak in softer tones with girls, they have a more difficult time responding to loud noises, loud voices, yelling, screaming, etc. because of the way their brains are wired.
I know I have more about the verbal, talkative stuff, but it must be at school. I also have a book you need to read (it's time). You can borrow my copy. For anyone else reading this, it's called The Wonder of Girls by Michael Gurian. The first chapter or two are hard to get through because it's from a science and medical standpoint from brain research. However, the rest of the book is easy to read and will open your eyes about why girls do the things they do, how they think, and how to deal with it. There is a specific chapter just for Mom and a specific chapter just for Dad.
...and here is the rest to go with the post...
DeleteO.k. - for the 3rd point - PLEASE STOP MAKING HER WRITE AND READ AS PUNISHMENT!!!!! I whole-heartedly believe in disipline and punishment for continuing to bring home anything other than "greens" from the classroom behavior plan. However, making kids write sentences and read for punishment will eventually "turn them off" to the enjoyment of reading & writing - yes, there is proven research for that too! After a day at school, your first grader should not be doing more than 30 minutes of homework each night, including the reading. (Parents reading to their children is different. That could be extra). A punishment of more writing and reading on top of the required may also frustrate her as she has already been in school for 6 hours (and don't forget she's only 7). This frustration will not be a magical - "Oh - I get it, I talked too much in class. I better control my talking." It will turn into -- "I'm now going to hate writing and reading at school because I associate it with punishment."
I do not know the magical punishment that will work. Every child is different! Taking away special toys, privileges, t.v., video games, time out on the couch while the rest of the fam plays, who knows the answer??? I just know that she is just being a verbal girl who doesn't yet know how to decifer when to do it and when not to do it...but with your continued support of the teacher, discipline, structured routine, and just talking about her behavior every night, it will get better.
PS) You MUST read the book...it even has an entire chapter on girls starting to go through their menstral cyles 2 - 3 years before actually menstrating (and how you can tell & how to cope) - some girls as young as 2nd grade...will this be next year's dilema????? LOL!
Let Me clarify a few things......
ReplyDelete1st I did not Stereotype at all, If it was taken that way I Apologize. But I will urge everyone to be nice when posting.
2nd I never claimed my child to be disrespectful, was only using it as a point as to what/how we raise our girls.
3rd I do not require her to read and write as punishment, The sentences are so she remembers the ruls and are done over the course of her griunding not all at once. The reading is to occupy her time while she is not allowed TV/Bike privileges.
4th I Fully understand 7 year old girls are ALL Talkative, I have been volunteering in my daughters classroom since she started at this school. HOWEVER, I do not agree that at 7 they are unable to differentiate between when to talk and when not to.....
ALSO, this is all a "new" thing for her as I said the last 4 weeks only, which is why I am reaching out to see if any other parents have had this sort of turning point. I am by no means a child psychologist and If there is one out there then by all means post away :)
I welcome everyones tips and tricks. I am respectful in my posts so all I ask is that you all are respectful in your responses and not belittle or berdae me or my tips and tricks but I love to see everyone involved. I will take tidbits from everyone's comments and apply them as we see fit!!!
Thanks for all your comments thus far....Happy Posting!!!
well i thought i sent a comment earlier, but it was on my phone so apparently it didnt work.
ReplyDeleteanywho, i think you guys are doing a great job as parents. parenting is hard and its a constant challenge every day.
i'm no expert on parenting, and i for sure dont have a perfect child, but i have over 10 years experience in child care - 7 of them school agers and 3.5 as a pre-kindergarten teacher. i find that positives work ALONG with punishment.. for example, my son is horrible with cleaning his toys and is at the age where he doesnt belive in my "toy fairy" anymore.. so every night he leaves toys out i take them and he loses them for 5 days. this is along with a reward chart for the times he does clean up, he doesnt get it back till his five days are up, but he gets a mark on his chart for doing what he was supposed to...
but to your daughter. i think you guys are doing great by teaching her right from wrong, and i was raised very similar to you ( i believe in the spanking, etc..)
you obviously want to raise 2 respectful young ladies! :)
Thanks Angela, Glad you are hanging around to see what might pop out of my fingers and in to cyberspace. :) I like the idea of rewards and consequences. May have to try that!!!
DeleteThat was meant to be a helpful post. You asked for help and advice! I did not say anything to be little you...as a matter of fact, I stated that you have structure, constant parental support and "not to beat yourself up" if your child is disrespectful when you've taught them to be...you spent an entire paragraph talking about raising to respect and at the end of that paragraph put "that being said, here is our latest issue." That sentence at the end of a paragraph about respect indicates that you feel she was being disrespectful. And even if you weren't - I thought this was a blog to help parents and such...so by my saying "don't beat yourself up" it could go for anyone. MANY parents will say, "I don't understand why my child is being disrespectful" and they truly are upset with themselves and feel it's there fault when they have done everything they can to teach respect.
ReplyDeleteThe stereotype comment was meant to be funny! I thought of all people you know I would be kidding around about that.
Making her write the sentences to remember the rule is a punishment in the form of an academic subject - writing!
I didn't say 7 year olds can not differentiate between when to talk and when not to talk...I said they are not mature enough to know the importance of NOT talking during class.
YOU asked for advice - I have years of experience and research background on working with young girls in a classroom setting. Perhaps if you don't want advice, you shouldn't ask for it.
I thought this was going to be a great blog. I was excited for you to get it going. I also thought it would be a great place for parents to get ideas and was ready to start telling people about it. I guess I was mistaken...
WOW......Ok well you have apparently taken my comment out of Context as well. I appreciate all of your points I was just clarifying what I meant was all. Feel free to keep reading and commenting, but I think you have taken things completely out context. Maybe its my wording.
ReplyDeleteNot once did I say your advice was not welcomed, All I said was and I will Re-Iterate, Please be nice when posting Not condescending. That was not Directed at JUST YOU.
You are absolutely correct, I did ask for advice as well as other points of views, for the exact reason of helping myself as well as other parents.
I AGAIN never said anything Condescending was just clarifying my Original post as I thought maybe I had not expressed myself properly. However the last lines of your last comment I find to Be EXTREMELY Rude. If you do not want to read and share then by all means don't. If you do then by all means do, I simply asked for everyone to respect each other and take it for what its worth......A Blog of sharing our experiences in a fun way!!!
I hope you stick around as I look forward to your input on many subjects.
~Opal
I've been through this with my oldest son, Ashton! He always wanted to be the class clown and show off in front of other kids.
ReplyDelete